home

it's so great being back in Philadelphia. i spent the weekend sleeping over my friends' house, seeing old faces, and catching up with girls that i love best. it's funny though because i don't feel at home here when it's during the school year. i guess the feeling of being home depends on the level of comfort i feel in being with other people. obviously, i don't feel very much comfort in being at school. (this is why i can't wait to graduate and be a real person, rather being a student aka sub-human. not that i don't love my school. i just don't like the fact that my occupation is limited to being just a student. and the fact that many--not all--people at my school have such half-hearted conversations.)

funny how i'm talking about Philadelphia being home though. because i also get home sick--i'd much rather be at home with my family than anything, really. even though i tend to lose my mind with how slow things are at Canada, and how i am very much a useless being when i go to Vancouver, i love being home with my family. what i love most about being home is that i can be as weird as i want, react exactly as i feel in the moment without hesitation, or think twice about how foolish i sound. i can punch my siblings while joking around with them, make fun of them and laugh, stare off into space, play my ukulele, and wear ridiculous clothing just because its comfortable. my body feels free and less tense. my mind is more at ease. and my heart is happy.

so i was really unhappy to be leaving Vancouver last week to come to Philadelphia for my internship. and during my first week here, i kept questioning whether i made the right decision to take this internship. it was a hot, demanding, exhausting, and a bit annoying this week having to move in, and readjust to working in a professional setting. i like everyone but my boss. and i'm still not sure if i like the actual work. but this weekend made a huge difference. i know it's going to be a great summer.

so i'll keep you posted, friends. no more entries about beautiful european adventures (i just reread some of my entries from my time in London...my face looked like this o.O i sounded like a 5 year old writing about adventures with rainbows and unicorns. wtf...) the entries for this summer will be about me desperately trying to make the most of my last summer before i get a real job and become a functioning person in society.

 midnight conversations have their own aimless charm